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| She may have been GQ's Obsession of the Year, but she's my... |
As you do last-minute holiday shopping, finish up finals, prepare for the end of the world, and vote for the 2012 BWU Awards, why not reflect with me on the past twelve months? 2012 was an eventful year of complete and utter insanity. But, like Jersey Shore (the show, not the actual place), all good things must come to an end, and what kind of ending doesn't have a retrospective?
Let's start off with the messiest moments of the year:
Most Ratchet Song: "Bandz A Make Her Dance" by Juicy J
There was a lot of competition (mostly from 2 Chainz) for this dubious honor, but it's pretty obvious what song really defined ratchet for 2012. If you have any doubt that this is the most perfect strip club song of the year, if not all time, simply consider this one lyric: "you say no to ratchet p***y, Juicy J can't." That pretty much sums up this wonderfully trashtastic bop. It's a guarantee that somewhere in the world right now, a young woman is spinning around a pole to this very song.
Runner-Up: "Birthday Song" by 2 Chainz
He and his fans can offer any excuse they want, there is nothing that can explain away wearing overalls to meet your home country's head of state. Nothing. Hell, even sweatpants would've been more appropriate. I mean, do they even have farms in Canada? Actually, why is he wearing overalls period? Those haven't been in style since the 90's, and that was pushing it. What was more annoying than the fashion faux pas was his defensive attitude of it. Couldn't you just accept that you looked a mess?
Runner-Up: Any Moment with Stevie J and Joseline Hernandez
Biggest On-Screen Trainwreck: Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor
I'm not going to lie: I was hoping that Liz and Dick would be a success. When I saw the first images of Lohan as the iconic Taylor, I thought that it could actually work. And then I saw the movie. "Disastrous" barely covers the first five minutes of this anorexic mess of a television mess. Lohan's "comeback" performance did nothing but reaffirm that this once promising young actress allowed fame and money to overpower her so that even her talent was snuffed out. As I wrote last month, Lohan is pretty much done.
Runner-Up: Sharon Newman Torches The Newman Ranch on Young and the Restless
Most Exploitative Reality TV Show: The Houstons: On Our Own
Lifetime literally deserves cancellation, not just for Liz and Dick, but also for greenlighting the most blatantly manipulative post-mortem ever produced for the silver screen. Within the same calendar year of Whitney Houston's tragic death, her family, including daughter Bobbi Kristina, took to the airwaves to share their grieving process. It is inappropriate, awkward, and plain old uncomfortable, and a bane on the memory of one of the greatest singers ever.
Runner-Up: Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
Most Ridiculous Couple/Threesome: Rihanna and Chris Brown and Karreuche
Enough of my posts have been dedicated to the mess that is Rihanna and Chris Brown's relationship, but it's worth noting officially how absolutely ridiculous this mess is. The tweets, the remixes, the random videos, and now the incessant Instagrams. The power couple (and Brown's model side piece) have turned TMI into an art form. I wish I could say that we might have a break from them in 2013, but I'm 99.5 percent sure Rihanna will be releasing an album in November, so that won't be happening.
Runner-Up: Evelyn Lozada and Chad Ochocinco Johnson
Hottest Mess of the Year: Rihanna
Ever since she released last year's Talk That Talk, Rihanna has been out to prove that she is the baddest chick in the universe. She fought fans on Twitter, ran around in as little clothes, and shamelessly hooked up with Chris Brown, both in the bedroom and the recording studio (twice). But what was all that bluster and boast for? Sure, she didn't get arrested or score a couple of DUIs or even go to rehab, but for all the talking she did, she didn't really say (or sell) much. Oh, well, at least she finally got a #1 album with Unapologetic.
Runner-Up: Mitt Romney
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