One Tree Hill Recap: Episode 1

OK, what the hell just happened?

That's the question I was asking this entire episode. Everything was ABSOLUTELY crazy this week, so I'll start with the least crazy, or interesting, or sad, or shocking, or anything, quite frankly: Mouth's exit.

Ever since the four year timeskip, I've really felt that Mouth McFadden's presence hasn't really been there. He's been pretty much useless since then, and his little office fling and relationship with Millicent were both duds. I'm sad to say, I didn't really pay attention to exit, although I felt Lucas should've been there.

Instead, he was living it up with Peyton in Vegas, then in LA. So, yes, the two months of waiting for his choice was pretty much a copout. He chose Peyton. Whoopdeedo. Ok, I'm happy for them, I guess. Maybe Lucas will finally stop being a little drama queen and Peyton will stop sulking. Actually, they really are good for each other.

Brooke, my favorite person on OTH, has been going through some things. The vampire mother (played amazingly by Melrose Place alum Daphne Zuniga) Victoria is back, and threatening to take Brooke's company. I actually think it could happen. This really wasn't Brooke's episode. First, her mom threatens her, then some girl shoplifts her store, then she loses Millicent to Mouth, and finally, in a jaw-dropping moment, Brooke is attacked by some masked psycho and is seriously tore up (according to the previews). I would hope that her mother wasn't behind it, but you never know.

Speaking of psychos, who was expecting Nanny Carrie's return? I wasn't, and I definitely wasn't expecting her to be the driver of Dan's hit-and-run car. So the psycho slut bitch kidnapped Dan, hooked him up to a fake hospital in her house, and is torturing the poor guy (yes, he killed his brother and everything, but that fork thing was terrible to watch). She also revealed her plans to kidnap Jamie again. Seriously, she needs some meds, STAT! I would've never guessed that the dirty skank who nearly derailed THE OTH couple's marriage was this much of a wackjob.

So, its safe to say that OTH has made the successful transition from teen drama to regular drama. The sex and money premise of its lead-in has been dumped for serious, almost soap opera-like storylines. Its easy to say that the timeskip was the best thing to ever happen to this show.

P.S. If I never hear "In The Ayer" by Flo Rida again, I will be a happy guy.